There Are Plenty of Hotties to Go Around


I totally knew better than to read some of the dating threads on Yelp, but like a mosquito lured to its really blazey death by the beautiful glow of a bug zapper outside a single-wide trailer, I couldn’t help it. I tried to look away, but I was mesmerized by the sheer stupidity and lack of basic grammar conventions.

(Incidentally, I just invented a new word by typing it wrong: studpidity. It’s not a word, but it should be, and I’ve decided it means the behavior exhibited by a really good looking guy whose entire brain is so devoted to maintaining that level of gorgeousness that it has no capacity left for coherent thought. You can use it, if you want.)

On this Yelp thread, a guy was bragging about eating frozen yogurt while listening to conversations around him. These two Asian girls were complaining kind of loudly about all the white girls who keep stealing their Asian guys. Let that sink in.

Now, I really, really hope this is the most racist thing I say for a very long time, but here goes: are we having a shortage of Asian people on the planet?

Oh wow, I know that sounded absolutely horrible. I apologize.

But my point was that don’t most racists complain about there being way too many of one group or another? “Look at all these immigrants,” and crap like that? Is there seriously a shortage of male Asians around?!

The really crazy thing about racism is it’s apparently supposed to NOT be racism whenever you’re the one saying the racist thing. Like the fro yo bimbos, complaining about guys dating white girls.

The crazy thing about the racist-dairy-product Yelp post was all the people complaining in the comments section about how often this very thread appears, like reproductive racism is a weekly thing on their site. How often do we need to complain about a lack of like-skinned men? More importantly, how long must the bragging about frozen dairy treats continue?!

So, Yelp fans, here’s your weekly update: once again, people are people, hot guys and hot girls are everywhere, nationality doesn’t matter, and don’t be racist. And make sure you put extra sprinkles on mine. The yogurt, not the hottie. Wait, maybe on the hottie, too.

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