The Worst Anti-Asian Book Ever Vomitted onto Paper

THIS, my dear friends, is a real book, and it kind of sums up everything that is wrong with the world.

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I’m pretty sure this book is the cause of global warming, swine flu, and the death of my dog last year.

For those of you who aren’t quite fluent in Japanese yet, the title of that book is 21 Reasons Why Japanese Men Suck. I’ll pause for a moment while you let that really eat at your soul, causing your very blood to boil and the urge to take up Viking-style weapons overtake you. Feel better yet? (NOTE: an awesome angry book review of that book is available HERE)

In the days of great books like Sh*t My Dad Says and Go The F*ck to Sleep!, I really hoped this one was a joke. Alas, it was not to be. This is a real book, meant to be a dating guide for Japanese men. Correction: it’s not a dating guide, it’s a “how to reproduce so the government can stop using slogans like ‘Bear children and multiply!’ guide.”

This “book” (the word “book” has to be in quotation marks now, because that’s how much I hate calling this thing a “book”) blames Japanese men for the huge drop in birth rate in the country, basically saying that all Japanese men are annoying, smelly, and have bad breath. Don’t worry, ladies, you’re not off the hook, either. There’d be plenty of babies to go around if you would just stop going to university and getting all intimidatingly educated, turning off any men who might be willing to stand near you with their supposed odors. Also, according to the 58-year-old Ph.D. author, you gals are supposed to model yourselves after geishas because they knew how to play hard-to-get. I wish I’d made that part up.

People, it’s 2013. Here’s your affirmation: no one group of people is any more annoying, more awkward, or more smelly than any other group on the planet. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you look fine the way you are, the right girl is out there waiting for you, etc. etc. etc. And you don’t suck. Now go make babies so books like this will stop being written*.

*Only make babies if you want to, since having a baby when you didn’t want to actually does suck.

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